pie

Santa was good to me. He brought me a exactly what I wanted. I am pleased. Although not quite as much as Satan was. She was absolutely thrilled. She noticed the box. Then she asked, "what's that?"

Before I could answer, she said. "Yay! It's like AB's cookin' thang." insert girly giggle here, "now, I can make pie."

turkey lobster

I've been pretty strict since with Tater because he is failing. So he hasn't had a chance to play with A since the beginning of December. Since it is Christmas, I decided to let him off of punishment for a few days. Tonight he is spending the night with A.

Our Christmas diner was sort of sad, since it was just the two littlest heathes and myself. I think Satan picks up on my sadness. She was trying really hard to make me feel better. She started making yum noises while eating. So I asked if her if the turkey was delicious.

Her reply, "It is. It taste just like lobster." heh

pop rocks

Santa brought pop rocks. Satan has never had pop rocks before. She was plesently surprised. She made the funniest face. Then she giggled and said, "that tickeled my mouth."

Fang wasn't as impressed. He said, "can nee yuck." heh

Granny rocks.

My sweet neighbor Granny was too kind to us today. Her children are grown and all live out of state. This year they were unable to get together for Christmas, so she has been a bit depressed. To try to make up for being alone this year, Granny bought the little heathens presents. Bright and early this morning she knocked on the door carrying gifts, which I let the heathens open.

Fang was given a Pooh Train. That him and Satan have played with most of the day. Satan has a Lissi Doll. That she adores. And Tater has a remote controlled car. I am overwhelmed with Granny's kindness. I wish that I would have gotten something for her. Maybe I will pick up a nice after Christmas thank you gift.

DH called. We talked just long enough to say Merry Christmas to each other, before the connection was lost. Oh well, at least I know he is OK. And he made the effort to call. Poor DH probably wasted a couple of hours standing in line just to call. :( At least he didn't have to lose his appetite with the sight of Rumsfeld.

I decided to go ahead and make the turkey tomorrow. I've also decided to try something new. This year I'm brining it. I'm using this brine. But I didn't have all the exact ingredients so I made some changes. For instance, I used apple juice instead of cider. I used table salt instead of kosher salt. I used powdered ginger instead of whole ginger. So I'm not really using that brine, I'm making it up as I go along. heh

Now I have an hour to get the heathens in the bath, into their new pj's and in the bed. Then I will undoubtedly have to read 5 or more stories before the littlest heathens go to sleep. Then I will be up half the night putting the Power Wheels that MIL sent together.

Tomorrow I will be tired and grouchy. Ah the joy of Christmas.

My 3

I'm late. I finally have my 3 things.

Three names you go by

1. Stacy. Do not call me Stace.
2. Woman, this is what DH calls me. Isn't he romantic?
3. mom/mommy

Three screen names you have:

1. Snarky Tattooed Heathen
2. Sxyfletch
3. Krzykurls

Three things you like about yourself:

1. my sense of humor
2. my hair
3. my winning personality ;)

Three things you hate/dislike about yourself:

1. my stomach. After having 3 c-sections, I am in desperate need of a tummy tuck.
2. my hair. It's a love hate relationship.
3. my hands. I have little, old woman hands.

Three parts of your heritage:

1. American. I once asked my grandma what our heritage was, she told me American.
2. Irish.
3. I am also part Native American. My grandpa's mother was 100% native American. I can't get much information out of any of my crazy family members, so I'm not positive which tribe she was from. Researching my family tree is on my to do list. So ask me again in 15 -20 years.

Three things that scare you:

1. the current US administration. I'm keeping Dmouse's answer because it doesn't get any scarier than that.
2. My children growing up. I want to keep them young forever. Well, at least a bit longer.
3. DH. His safety while in Iraq.

Three of your everyday essentials:

1. chap stick. I must have smooth soft lips.
2. Lotion. I'm a lotion whack. I have to apply it 70 times a day.
3. Ice maker. I must have ice in everything I drink. Even when it's cold outside.

Three things you are wearing right now:

1. t-shirt
2. flannel pj pants
3. fuzzy slippers

Three of your favorite bands/artists at the moment:

1. I don't have a good answer to answer this. I rarely get to listen to grown up music. I'm afraid people would laugh if I put the Wiggles.

Three of your favorite songs at present:

1. Fang singing Fro tee no man.
2. Satan's version of All star. Somebody once told me the world was macaroni. heh
3. ABC's as sung by Satan and Fang.

Three things you want to try in the next 12 months:

1. just saying no to Coke
2. water. drinking lots of it
3. sleeping. all night long without interruption.

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):

1. laughter.
2. great sex
3. trust

Two truths and a lie:

1. I can't wait for Christmas to be done and over.
2. I can't wait for DH to come home
3. I love love love fire ants. (I must, since I blog about them all the damn time.)

Three physical things about the opposite (or same) sex that appeals to you:

1. Hands. Big and rough.
2. height. I'm only attracted to men that are taller than I am.
3. Girth. Skinny men do not do it for me.

Three things you just can't do:

1. Sing.
2. Keep my foot out of my mouth.
3. Spell.

Three of your favorite hobbies:

1. Reading the forums. Sadly this is #1.
2. Reading everything else.
3. watching movies

Three things you want to do really badly right now:

1. Put Satan to bed. She is asleep in my lap. and my left arm is falling asleep under the weight, but she will be awake as soon as I lay her down. GRRR!
2. Take a nice long soak in the tub.
3. stop coughing.

Three careers you're considering:

1. I'm not really considering any careers at the moment. But I want to be Wonder Woman when I grow up. Does that count as a career? Dodging bullets with snazzy gold bracelets should definitely count.

Three places you want to go on vacation:

1. Anywhere that isn't TX.
2. Anywhere outside the US. Australia, Asia, Europe etc...
3. I would say Hawaii, but I would prefer to just move there.

Three kids names:

1. Tater
2. Satan
3. Fang

Three things you want to do before you die:

1. Travel the world
2. Have a woman president.
3. Have half a dozen grand children.

Three people who have to take this quiz now or die a slow orgasmic death:

1. Cheri
2. Ray
3. Debbie

Happy Holidays!

Edited to answer a question. No, I don't know if DH is in the pic, or which one he may be. The faces are too tiny. I will try to remember to ask him when we talk again. The pic came in an email from the commander. I thought it was nice, so here it is.

All I want for Christmas..............

is a year long contract with Terminex.

Seriously. That is what I want. Otherwise, I figure one of two things are going to happen. I will die from inhaling ant spray, or the damn fire ants are going to eat us alive.

The most recent attack happened in Taters room. As sad as I am for Tater, I am a bit angry with him too. He knows that no food or drinks are allowed in his room. But that didn't stop him from taking a glass of sweet tea into his room. Where he proceeded to spill it on the bed. Lucky for him that sheets and blanket soaked up the sweet tea. Which he thought would leave no trace that he had broken a house rule.

Unfortunately for Tater, the sheets and blankets soaked up the sweet tea. Then Tater being the oblivious almost teen that he is didn't notice that his sheets were covered with fire ants when he hopped into bed. Then he quickly came running into the kitchen screaming about being under attack.

His sheets and blankets are in the wash, and he is sleeping on the sofa.

I've started reading up on ants. I've learned that spraying doesn't work. That it generally just makes things worse. I think I've learnt that the hard way. Since I'm still not wanting to fork over hundreds of dollars for an exterminator, I've ordered this. I shall feed them tainted treats and sing my voodoo chats and hope that they die. Every last one of them.

Although my research makes it clear that spraying isn't effective(baiting is the preferred method), Ken is coming over tomorrow to crawl around the attic. He will spray every nook and cranny in exchange for cookies.

Isn't it amazing what a few cookies will get you? Makes me wish I could pay for everything with cookies.

I am an addict.

Today has been shitty. DH called to warn me that he wouldn't be calling on Christmas to wish the little heathens a Merry Christmas. He has to be a soldier for a while. Normally DH is safe considering. He puts fuel into helicopters. Meaning he isn't out wandering around the city just waiting to be attacked by insurgents. He does the regular soldier thing, but I normally don't hear about it until after the fact. Which is good because then I'm not plagued with worry. I still worry, but it doesn't put me into super worry wart mode.

So that has me on edge, and since there was no way I was going to get back to sleep. I did laundry. All the laundry. I washed it. I dried it. I folded it. I was putting it away. When I went to put my clean, dry, folded towels in the linen closet. I was surprised with fire ants crawling all over my clean, dry, folded towels and blankets. I was seething with anger. I threw the clean, dry, folded towels that I was carrying into the floor. I ran to the garage. I grabbed the fire ant poison. And I sprayed it all over my clean, dry, folded, put away blankets and towels. I was also screaming profanities. Lots of profanities.

My poor children were in the living room, peaking around the corner. They were thinking to themselves, "Mommy is crazy! She needs to seek professional help, and soon!" Fang finally broke the silence with "Ants! Bad!" heh

Now I literally have a mountain of laundry to wash (half a dozen times to get the poison out), dry, fold and put away. Instead of starting with that. I loaded up the kids in the van. I drove to 7-11. I purchased a cold 12 pack of Coke. I drove home. I put Fang down for his nap. I put in a movie for Tater and Satan.

I now sit here drinking a glass full of icy cold bubbly brown goodness. Thinking to myself, it's a damn good think that I don't much like the taste of alcohol, or I would have been an alcoholic months ago.

Voo Doo

CJ is such a good friend, she sent me voodoo dolls. That's right plural. Dolls.

Now my evil 'die fire ants die' voo doo chants should work. heh

fucking fire ants

I swear, I've become obsessed with the damn vacuum cleaner. I run it 2 - 3 times a day. But today I missed something. A tiny piece of chocolate covered pretzel. It was smaller than a dime. Within mere hours I have fucking ants crawling all over the carpet. Maybe Santa will bring me a barrel of ant poison.

kindred spirit

I've found my long lost twin. heh

She writes. ( I assume the author is a she) In fits of rage I can be seen screaming and shouting while squirting the little beasts to death. Sure it might seem childish but after having lived with this epidemic for so long a bit of revenge seems long overdue.

I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

That was me yelling at the damn fire ants again.

I can not get rid of them. I've bought two different types of spray, both are supposed to leave your house fire ant free for up to 9 months. Oh how they lie. Stupid advertisements.

I hate using pesticide in the house unless absolutely necessary. Sadly, I've gone through almost 2 gallons of poison. I hate that. I feel like I'm harming myself and my children by using this shit in the house. But how the hell else am I going to get rid of these evil pest?

I thought I had finally said good riddance to them. I thought wrong! Tonight when I was reading Satan her good night story. She looked up and said, "what's that in my light?"

It was fucking fire ants. They were crawling around in the ceiling light. I said bad words. Lots and lots of bad words. Then I put Satan and Fang into my bed, so I could spray their room. Again! This time making sure to spray around the ceiling light fixture, and the air vent just for good measure. Now their bed room door is shut. Several windows are open to try to air out the house. I'm freezing because it's cold outside, and I'm a wimp. And my throat feels weird. I'm super careful to not inhale the shit, and I wash like crazy after spraying it. But I can smell it. That's what makes me crazy, makes me think that my throat is going to close up.

I hate using pesticide! But I hate fire ants more, I think.

Never ask, "what else can go wrong?"

The story begins Sunday, when I fucked up my computer. Yet again. Lucky for me, I was able to call Dell tech support. Where Mark flirted with me for an hour walked me through reinstalling XP. At the time I was over joyed because my computer was up and running. Perfectly. Then I stayed up way too late chatting with Denine and Evil Amy. The next day I was grouchy and tired. As you can probably guess, my day started out not so good, but I just had to go and make it worse.

I did that by watching Last Letters Home. I shouldn't have watched. Not at this point in time anyway. Afterwards it really hit me hard that I had lost all the emails that DH has send since he has left. I had saved everyone. My plan was to someday print them all, and add them to the box. The box is a box (duh) where I keep all the letters, cards etc that DH sends. Considering that I was tired, grouchy and feeling a bit depressed about Christmas. It was too much. I was sadder than I think I have ever been.

Just the day before DH called, and I promised that I would send him Christmas cookies and Buckeyes. I wasn't in the Chritsmasy mood considering, but since I promised Satan that we would bake cookies and make candy on Monday. I kept my promise. Which ended up being another mistake. Somehow, I was so immersed in making cookies and candy, and my own thoughts that I forgot Tater. I've never done that before. Ever.

Mondays and Tuesdays, Tater stays after school for tutoring. He is there until 4:15 at which point I pick him up. I'm usually there at 4:05, and I wait for him. However, this past Monday, I was in the kitchen covered with icing and chocolate instead of at the school picking up my child. I was in the kitchen covering the cookies with icing and sprinkles, when I heard a knock on the door. It startled me because I wasn't expecting any guest or packages for that matter. So I hesitantly go to the door, where I see Tater crying.

I ask, "What's wrong? Where have you been?"

He sobs, " I was waiting for you at school. I was scared and started walking home because you didn't come get me." He points to my neighbor across the street, "she brought me home."

OMG, I felt this big. How could I have forgotten him like that? It's several days later, and I still feel bad about it.

Then on Tuesday, I had the cookies and candy all packed up nicely in glad ware, I doubt DH will get them in time for Christmas, but i can hope. I make the mistake of going to hell the post office. I hate going to hell the post office. There were exactly two people in front of me, yet I was there, standing in line with a heavy box and two squirmy anxious children, for 40 minutes. Because postal workers are hella slow.

By the time I left the post office, I was incredibly frustrated. When I opened the hatch on the van, to put the stroller in the back. I pulled the handle off. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Apparently, I have super human strength. However, that did little to amuse it. Instead it pissed me off. Now I will have to take the van to the dealership, where I will be forced to sit for hours with two squirmy kids to have the damn thing fixed. After getting the little heathens into their car seats and putting the stroller in the floor. I was thinking what else could go wrong, when I jerked the drivers side door open and whacked myself in the head. I'm still sporting a lovely purple knot just over my eye.

stupid blogger

Just the other day. Yesterday to be exact. I had typed up a nice long entry. Only to have blogger eat it. Damn you blogger.

Lesson learnt. Always copy/paste entries to word and save before hitting post on blogger.

Now, can you all look at me? Please? Pretty, pretty please? 

Fang move over towards Tater.  

Tater sit up straight, and get your hand out of your sleve. 

Fang look up.  

Join me in a happy dance.

Because last night all the little heathens stayed in their own beds until morning. WOO HOO!

On this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for ........

DH. He loves me more than anything and treats me amazingly well. I bitch about him from time to time, but I couldn't have chosen a better partner to spend my life with.

Tater, Satan and Fang. They are a handful and a half, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. When I'm not pulling my hair out, I'm basking in the love and joy that they bring to my life. Plus, they give me lots of good blog material.

My family. Even though their only goal in life is to make me say bad words. On the rare occasion, when the planets are properly aligned, I do enjoy their company.

Stealing this from Shelly, I'm thankful that GWB won't be able to run for president again.

Last but not least, I'm thankful for my friends. Both online and in real life. This deployment has been a bitch. If it wasn't for their kindness and support, I would not be the mostly sane, sometimes rational person that you see.

The holiday and family

I was sort of, kind of sad. I was not in a festive, celebrating mood. I really miss DH. He is very into Thanksgiving and Christmas. He really chips in and takes an active role in the holiday celebrations. So him not being here is rough. Luckily things went better today than expected.

Barbie and Ken invited us over for diner. Which was great. I tried to make a contribution. I took rolls, cranberry salad and white chocolate raspberry swirl cheesecake. But Barbie did the hard work. She made all sorts of delicious food, and cleaned up the mess. I left their house feeling stuffed carrying a bag full of leftovers. Yummy!

After we came home, I called my grandma's house. They ate late this year since a few family members had to work earlier in the day. I was able to talk to a dozen or so relatives. People that I see at most once a year. I sort of missed them. I'm sure I only feel that way because I'm not there. If I were there I would be hating it. Some one would have pissed me off, then I would have bitched about it until Christmas. Just in time for the wonderful Christmas family get to gather at grandmas house. Where some one else would piss me off. Then it would start all over.

After I got off the phone with my family, I let Tater and Satan call the in-laws. Well, they argued over who was going to be the one that called. I had to act quick and make a decision, who is going to talk first. Eenie meenie miney mo is how I chose the lucky heathen. Will they still respect me as an adult now? heh

DH's sister answered and Satan hung up on her because she didn't want to talk to a stranger she wanted to talk to Nana or Gramps. After explaining about forty times that it was Aunt S and not a stranger, we called back. Satan then talked for about 30 minutes. Refusing to give the phone to Tater. Her reason. Tater was sick and couldn't talk. He does have a bit of a cold or allergies going on, but he is able to speak. He did finally get a turn to talk, but he isn't the talker that Satan is. His conversation lasted maybe 10 minutes.

Then it was my turn to talk. Marie was very cordial. She must be taking her meds again. I just wish she could be like this all the time. For the sake of all of us.

boobies

I am still nursing Fang, but I'm doing it begrudgingly. I am so done. I no longer want to nurse him. However, he is still very much attached, and has no desire to quit. Weaning is not going quite as easy as I had hoped it would.

In my effort to wean him, he has became obsessed with 'boobies'. He now points out 'boobies' anywhere and every where. When we go out in public, he will point to women with larger breast. With a large grin on his face he will say, "Boobie. See it. Boobie."

I try to pretend that I don't know what he has said. While secretly wishing that strangers can't make out his words. But Satan being the ever helpful big sister, wants to make sure that I don't ignore Fang. She will generally say, "Mommy, Bubba is talking to you. He saw a boobie."

But it gets better. Satan has a collection of Disney Princess books. Fang has claimed The Little Mermaid book as his because Ariel has 'boobies'.

Today, I was mean and ignored his request to nurse. I would hand him a sippy cup and pretend to not hear the whining. But this evening he became restless and whiney, so I gave in and let him nurse. When I lifted up my shirt he said, "Ahhhhhhh, tank ou!"

I think I made his day. heh

Chritsmas is coming

I finally started on my ornaments. I've decided on a western/cowboy theme. I think they look pretty good considering how not crafty I am.

Frosty the little heathen

I shall soon be bald from pulling out my hair. We have had rain, rain and more rain for the past week. Yesterday we not only had rain, we had hail and power outages. This is not good, take the kids outside to play, weather. My three heathens are getting cabin fever, and in the process they are driving me insane.

Tonight I put them to bed at 8:30. Tater was quietly reading in his bed. This is not a problem. Satan and Fang on the other hand decided to throw match box cars at each other, instead of going to sleep. This is a big problem. I confiscated the match box cars. Then I tucked the littlest heathens in. Again.

Shortly after that, I hear knocking. Tater hears it to, so he runs out of his room very panicked because he think that he hears something outside. Satan and Fang were not panicked. Because they were kicking the wall and giggling. I separate them, Putting them each into their own bed, and once again I tuck them in.

At this point I'm feeling optimistic, and think that I am finally going to get to relax. So I sit down. I have my glass of icy cold Coke and the remote. I am going to sit in the Lazy Boy, and watch Desperate Housewives. With no distractions. That was my plan. In case I haven't told you yet. I am in love with the person that invited DVR!

Anyway, I watched up to the part that shows the young gardener shirtless. Then I was rudely interrupted by Satan and Fang running through the living room. Giggling. I snatch them up, one under each arm. I carried them to their room, and once again I tucked them in. At this point I'm becoming quite angry. The can sense that my patience has ran out. So they stay in bed. But they cry.

I am mean, angry and frustrated so I ignore them. Well, for a few minutes. Until I hear really loud, exaggerated whining and crying. At this point I am very frustrated, so I scream, "Why are you still awake? What could possibly be wrong with you now?"

I hear a little voice whine, "I'm melting."

Melting? WTH is she talking about? I am confused. So I stomp down the hallway to see whats wrong. Satan is sobbing. I comfort her until she is able to talk in he big girl voice. Then I ask again. "what is wrong with you? Why are you crying?" Only this time I was calm.

She wipes her cheek, and says, "I'm melting." sob sob sob, "just like Frosty did."

I couldn't stay mad after that.

Karma jumped up and bit me in that ass.

This is just one of the many exciting things that happened while DH was here. Since I was playing the role of attentive wife and mother, I wasn't able to blog it sooner. heh

It was a normal morning shower. I washed my face, and washed my hair. I stepped out of the shower onto a towel to begin my morning primping in front of the mirror. AKA slathering on the Frizz Ease. When I felt an all too familiar bite, but this time it was on my ass. I yelled out a few profanities, as I squished the ant. Then I felt several bites on my feet. The goddamn ants had mounted an attack in my bathroom. I believe that this is a result of me invading their little part of my yard with fire ant granules and evil voodoo chants. These evil creatures are out for revenge, and I am their target.

I could feel them crawling all over me. I was smacking myself all over. Then I ran through the house naked. Yelling at DH, "get these fucking ants off of me!" Being his ever helpful self, he was more than happy to squish the ants dead. Meaning he was laughing his ass off while smacking me. I can laugh about it now, but at the time I was not pleased. I now have roughly 20 ant bites on various body parts. I am crabby from the uncontrollable itching, and I've already used up half a tube of cortisone.

Later that day, DH sprayed bug spray around the perimeter of the bathroom. Then I had the fun job of cleaning up the ant carcass. As sick as that was, I was over joyed that the bathroom was once again ant free. The ant battle was won. I was triumphant. A celebration was needed. A cake was baked. A cake that was put into a cake saver with a lid, to keep out pesky things like ants.

On Friday morning DH decided to have a farewell piece of celebration cake. In our haste to get to the airport on time, he made the unfortunate mistake of not putting the lid on tightly. Apparently the ants are still plotting my demise. While we were away from the house they mounted another attack.

When we returned home, I was a bit depressed. Saying goodbye is rough. I was in need of a caffeine/sugar high. I though an icy cold coke and a piece of cake would fix me right up. I poured myself a glass of coke. I was all set to cut a big slice of cake, when I felt that all too familiar pain. The little buggers were all over my hand. That's right, my the ants are dead celebration cake was covered with ants. They bit my arm and my hand.

I have purchased more ant poison. If this does not work. I will be forced to call in the big guns.

Yesterday we said our good byes :(

Here are some random pics from yesterday.



Tater isn't the best picture taker.

My daddy can't catch me.

A star. A star. See it? A star.

My boys.

Aren't we cute? heh

sigh

Found out that DH would be in Fallujah right now if he wasn't on R&R. I should feel relieved, but I don't. He only has a few days left. This saddens me because I'm afraid for him. He is going back to a worse place than he left.

That, and I'm not ready for him to leave. It's been so nice just to have him here. I'm not looking forward to the next few months. I already miss him. :(

Halloween

I am a bootiful princess.

Sadly this is the best picture that I have of Fang.

Halloween

DH and I took the little heathens trick or treating last night. DH was into Halloween for the first time. Ever. He normally doesn't get into dressing up or haunted houses or any of that fun stuff.
I assume it's because he grew up in BFE and never got the chance to go trick or treating as a kid. But in his zest to please the little heathens he dressed up like a cowboy. This excited Satan. She had to repeat about a million times, "my daddy is a cowboy".

I'm boring, and didn't dress up. I did wear an orange t-shirt with Happy Halloween and a black cat on it. That has to count for something.

Satan was a ghetto princess. She wore the dress that I made for her last year. Last year she looked so cute. This year the dress was looking ragged, and wouldn't stay up on her shoulder. It's all my fault, because I ignorantly let her play dress up in it about a week ago. She basically destroyed it, but of course I didn't realize this until yesterday. It could have been repaired, but I ran out of time.

Fang was a frog. He looked so cute. Every other day of the year with out prompting he will say frog. Then immediately begin to hop around and say ribbet. When I put the frog costume on him the only thing he would say was candy and thank you. I tried every thing. I bribed him with candy. At one point I even jumped around and said ribbet myself. He is stubborn.

Tater was a ninja. I have no picture of him in his costume. He went to a Halloween/slumber party, and I missed out on my picture taking opportunity.

Airport pictures.

Why am I here?

I'm really happy, but I'm pretending to be bashful.  

I'm so very happy that I'm picking up my dad today. 

Don't look at my head. I know my hair line is receding.

Da plane! Da plane!

DH lucked out, and was able to take an earlier flight. We picked him up at the airport this morning.

It was so good to see him. Right now we are all big smiling fools.

You will see very few blog entires from me in the next two weeks.

Velcro mode

This is a few days late, but I forgot to publish it. Enjoy.

I'm desperately trying to give the impression that I have managed perfectly while DH has been deployed. In my haste to clean the house, I was vacuuming. Really vacuuming. Using the attachments around the baseboards, and everything. Fang AKA Velcro baby sometimes has an uncontrollable urge to grab my legs and hold on for dear life. He generally gets hit with these urges when I am immersed in something that does not require giving him attention. Such as washing the dishes or vacuuming the hallway.

The dish washing tackles aren't so bad. I'm stationary, and have the support of the counter. However today, he was hit 'I must touch my mama now' urge while I was mindlessly vacuuming.

One minute I hear Satan and Fang loudly playing and singing. The next thing I know is that Fang has suddenly warped into Velcro mode and my legs are under attack.

I am slow.

He attacked.

I tripped.

I tried to brace myself and avoid landing on Fang all at the same time. Some how I managed to hit my foot into the door frame. It hurt. A lot. I cursed. A lot.

Fang laughed, clapped and said, "good job".

I wanted to laugh with him, but my foot was throbbing. I had to sit down. My pinky toe was no longer pointing in the same direction as my other 9 toes. It was bent to the side. And it hurt. I pushed my toe back to where it was meant to be. Then I cured some more. A lot more.

Now I have a lovely purple foot. That hurts like a bitch. It would have probably been less purple if I hadn't mowed the grass. Am I a dumbass or what?

Written 10-26-04 published 10-31-04.

The count down begins.

I thought I would have heard from him sooner, but DH finally called today. I was happy to hear that he made it to Kuwait in one piece. He will be flying out of Kuwait sometime soon. Next time I hear from him, he should be in Dallas. When will that be? Sometime between now and Friday.

The start of a long journey

I spoke to DH early in the day. He was preparing to leave Taji. This is the best news. He will try to call again when he gets to Kuwait. I hope that is soon. I don't have a time frame, and this makes me anxious. I need details and a schedule.

The past 8 months have passed by in slow motion. I never imagined time could possible slow down even further. It has. Today has been the longest day ever. I can't keep my mind on any one task, and I have gotten nothing accomplished. I should sleep. That would waste a huge chunk of time, but too excited to sleep.

I am

Congratulations! You are Lynette Scavo, the
ex-career woman who traded the boardroom for
boredom, mixed with moments of sheer panic as
the mother of four unmanageable kids.


Which Desperate Housewife are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

This is so true. There are days when I would like to leave my kids by the side of the road. heh

Some days I think I'm so not cut out for this SAHM gig. My kids are bad. I have no patience, and my ability to run a smooth orderly household is non existent. I long to be like Katie, when/if I grow up. Until then I will be a healthy mix of Roseanne with the mouth of Sharon Osbourne.

Isn't she pretty?

Pretty rotten, that is. ;)

Satan wasn't too happy about getting her hair cut. So she was making her pouty face. It never fails to cracks me up. Most kids stick out the bottom lip, she sticks out the top.

I thought I turned off that pesky date stamp. The yellow annoys me.

A good day.

I talked to DH today. He is already packed, and should be leaving tomorrow. WOO HOO!

I took advantage of the early voting, so as to not waste my precious time while DH is visiting. The court house was surprisingly empty. We were in and out in under 10 minutes. Then we were off to the hair cut store (that's what Satan calls the salon). Due in part to Satan once again trying to cut her hair. It had nothing to do with her very crooked bangs that I trimmed. ;)

Back at home, Satan wanted to play hair cut store. Being the good mom that I am, I said she could style my hair. I sat in the floor and tried to not scream when she buried the brush into my brain. Or when she tried to scalp me with the wide tooth comb. She styled my hair into a lovely cousin it do.

She smiled very sweetly and said, "You look like a monster."

I must have had an odd look on my face because she quickly added, "a cute monster, not a scary one." heh

Fang was driving me crazy with Blue's Clues. He carries around a small notebook and a blue ink pen. It has to write blue. He wants me to draw paw prints all freakin' day. I tried to be creative and change it up a bit. Since he likes Blue's Clues, and he likes dogs. The next logical thing was to draw a puppy. He would love that, right? Wrong. In his, I've already hit the terrible twos shriek, he screamed, "No, boos coos!"

Satan has such a good memory. We talked about DH coming home in a few days, and how we would have to pick him up at the airport. She remembering that we had tickets (boarding passes) when we took out trip this past summer. She has already figured out that DH will need tickets in order to fly, but she is apparently worried that he doesn't have one. So she does what all well meaning almost 4 year old daddy's girls would do. She made him plane tickets. She is just too cute sometimes. She cut several sheets of paper into thin strips. She then insisted that she needed the stapler. I ignored her and gave her a glue stick instead, but I'm mean like that.

She glued the strips of paper together. She then spent a great deal of time drawing and coloring on the tickets. We had to put them in the diaper bag, because we will "need" them at the airport. heh

Tater is anxious, nervous and fidgety. He will not sit still. I made him pick up the toys and things in the back yard, in hopes that he would settle down. He was so distracted that he just wandered around and didn't pick up anything. I jumped on his case about it. Now I feel guilty.

My face hurts.

I tried a new face wash, and I'm allergic to it. I'm going to dose myself with Benedryl and go to sleep. Hopefully, I won't look so scary in the morning.

Where is my stress free life?

I finally talked to DH. Due to the helicopter crash the phones and computers had been shut down. It's been several days since I've gotten any word from him. I'm OK if it's only a few days, but if it's been to long, I start to worry. Which makes me stressed. When I'm stressed, I snap at the kids. Which makes them grouchy. It's a vicious cycle.

DH sounded a bit stressed as well. The men that died were from his previous unit. I don't know if he knew them or not. I didn't ask, because I don't want to know. Ignorance is bliss. Not really, but I can pretend.

If all goes well, DH should be home next week. I should be relaxed, happy and stress free. I'm not. I'm not even close to being stress free. I'm stressed more than normal. I'm worried that he won't get to take leave. Then I will have to explain to Tater and Satan why DH isn't coming home. News like that will break their hearts, and I don't think I have it in me to comfort them. I'm also worried about the way he will act when he gets home. Things are going to be weird. He's been gone 8 months, and we are use to him not being here. I also know that the person I know and love is not the same person that is coming home to me. I don't know how I'm going to react to that.

I have way too much on my mind.

Goals, blogging and such

My first goal was to blog more often. I'm doing pretty well with that. I could do even better and blog every day. But I will get there eventually.

If you haven't noticed, I'm lazy and rarely answer my comments. I do appreciate the comments, really I do. In fact, I sometimes check several times a day to see if anyone left a comment. I get school girl giddy when I see a new comment.

So my new blogging goal is to answer comments. I have been inspired by Zoot. She is so cool, because she always replies to my comments via email. This makes me feel extra special. Because I'm starved for attention? Anyway, I'm not yet that ambitious, but I will remember to save that for a future blogging goal.

My weight loss goal has been pushed to the wayside. I desperately want to be cute and thin, yet I'm doing very little to reach my goal. Stress is part of the reason, the other part is that I've been avoiding everything that has anything to do with weight loss, like exercise. My original
goal was to lose 30 to 40 pounds. Forty would put me at the weight I was when we were married, but thirty seems more realistic.

I am confidant that I can do it this time, because I've found the right motivation. I think.

The best part of today.

A sleeping Tater.

A sleeping Fang, with his pretty pink Dora pillow. 

Sleeping Satan 

I'm moved.

I've just transferred all my blog-city entries.

Copying and pasting is hard work. heh

i am mommy, but you can call me bubba

Fang finally called me mommy. It sounds more like "mah E", but I don't care. I'm thrilled that he finally said it. It was driving me insane that he would say Sponge Bob Square Pants, but not mommy.

Today, was my dental cleaning and exam. Which went quite well, I have no cavities. :) Barbie agreed to watch Satan and Fang. Satan was thrilled. We have no pets at our house. Barbie has a kitty.

However, Fang being the Mama's boy that he is, does not like it when I leave him. So I conceived a plan, some days I think I'm a genius. I would buy Satan and Fang breakfast, they love those sponge like pancakes from McDonalds. I would take them to Barbie's house, get them all set up at the table eating their yummy breakfast. Then I would quickly dash out the door. Fang would happily eat his breakfast not realizing I was gone.

My plans never go as I intend.

I settle the kids down to their breakfast. I gathered up my wallet and keys. I thought I was being stealthy. As I opened up the front door to exit. Fang jumped out of the chair and came running toward the door. He screamed, "Mah E". My heart melted. I wanted to scoop him up, and kiss him. Unfortunately I was running late, and knew the melt down would be much worse if I went back. So I quickly and sadly dashed toward the van, and raced to the dentist.

When I retured, Fang was sleeping soundly. He tuckered himself out throwing his tantrum. It was so incredibly sweet when he woke up and saw me sitting there. He practically tripped over himself running to me. He gave me a big squeeze and said, "Bubba, I ya you." heh

dentist woes

I have such bad luck with appointments. Today the kids had a cleaning and exam scheduled for 2:20. I take Tater out of school, and drive all the way to Harker Heights. I sign in and sit down. Wait for a minute. The receptionist calls me to the window to inform me that they rescheduled my appointment. Why didn't someone tell me this? Just last week I got the reminder card in the mail, with todays date and time. GRRR!

Now I have to do this again next month.

teachers conference

I had the meeting with Tater's teachers, all 3 of them. Mrs. E, his science teacher, raved about what a wonderful student he is. How he always turns in his homework on time. He never acts out. He is the perfect student in her class, and he currently has a 92. She is quite proud of him, and claims he is one of her best students. Tater loves science so I wasn't surprised to hear that.

Sadly, the rest of his grades fall between 60-72. This is not good. Mr. F and Mrs. Z both agree that he would benefit from military kids club ( a support group for children of deployed soldiers). Luckily, they have one that meets at the school a few times a week. He is also signed up for tutoring 3 times a week. And is going to go to advisory for his handwriting.

Tater is such a tender soul. This deployment is causing his a great deal of stress. Not to mention the stress of the new school format. 5th graders switch classes and teachers. They also have lockers with combinations to remember. Sadly some nights he will stay awake all night worrying, or have nightmares that causes him to get very little sleep. I hope the MKC gives him some of the support that he needs.

At this point I feel really guilty. I don't give Tater all the time and attention that he needs. Satan and Fang end up getting the majority of my attention.They are still too young to fend for themselves, and some days I feel like they suck me dry.

But we do have a plan now, and Mr. F and Mrs. Z both agreed to give Tater a deadline. They are being generous and are allowing him to complete all of his missed assignments for partial credit. This should make some improvement in his grades.

I feel confident that we can all work together to get Tater back on track. Despite his bad grades, and his lack of responsibility recently. All 3 teachers said Tater was a joy to have in the class room. He is polite, kind and generous. He has a love of science and great potential.

Being the proud mother that I am, I interpreted this to mean that he will grow into the kind of man that will make me proud to have raised.

Ken to the rescue.

I know very little about motors of any kind. So when I killed the lawn mower, I knew exactly what to do. I would call my favorite auto mechanics teacher and Auto Zone employee, Ken.

I told Ken the tale of my lawn mower woes. How it had been putting and blowing out black smoke. That it started after the day Tater was bored and he cleaned the mower. He took great care in his cleaning. Much like some one would was a car. That he soaped it up, and sprayed it off with the water hose. He even used an old rag to dry. I was impressed, for he did this with out my urging, and he made it sparkle like new. Ken said washing the lawn mower isn't the best idea.
That the gas probably had water in it. I should buy some gas/water treatment. I should also change the spark plug, just because.

Ken was also over confident that a mere novice like myself could pull the spark plug out. And take it to Auto Zone. Where a friendly Auto Zone employee (Ken) would help me find the exact spark plug that I needed. Sounds simple doesn't it?

I pulled the spark plug. It did not budge. I thought, this is a job that requires tools. I located the tool box. I found the pliers. This was going to be easy now. Now armed with tools, I again pulled the plug. There was no movement. I started to rationalize, the mower is old perhaps the plug need a little wiggle to get it loose. So I tried to wiggle and pull. Still stuck.

I wanted to twist, but first I had to think, lefty loosey, righty tighty. That's right, turn to the left. So I gripped the spark plug with the pliers and turned to the left. Nothing happened. I tried for a good 15 minutes and I was still unsuccessful.

I called Barbie, and demanded asked nicely (even bribed with carrot cake) that she send Ken to my house ASAP, to fix the dead mower. He could fit my mower repair in during his lunch break.

Ken comes over, and guess what? You can't pull out a spark plug. You must twist the nut like thing that looked to be attacked to the lawn mower, but in reality is part of the spark plug. Needless to say Ken laughed. Tomorrow he will likely tell a class full of teenagers that know far more than I, about my spark plug ignorance. They too will laugh.

But I'm not worried because I got revenge. I made a carrot cake, and I didn't share. ;)

The package

A package came in the mail. Well to be exact, it was two large packages. My grandma love me. :) My present was some nice new towels and wash clothes. Along with a package of Charmin, 2 rolls of plain white Bounty and one roll of Dora the Explorer paper towel. heh

Tater ended up with a new outfit, new socks, under ware, assorted snacks and cool pens and pencils.

Fang was thrilled to get a Dora electronic game that teaches the names of colors in both English and Spanish. A pink Dora pillow case, socks, Thomas the train underwear, a Mickey Mouse winter outfit, assorted snacks.

Satan was the happiest because she now has Strawberry Shortcake sheets, and more Strawberry Shortcake panties. These are awesome present to a young Strawberry Shortcake fan. She also got a cute butterfly purse, a new winter jacket, and socks.

What would a present from Grandma be without socks and underware? LOL

Thursday and Friday

Thursday- I finally spoke to Tater's math teacher. We have a conference scheduled for Monday. I get to meet with all the teachers in his block. Since math is the only class he is failing, I wasn't expecting to meet with all the teachers. I'm curious as to where this will go.

I felt ambitious so I hung orange Halloween lights on the house. I'm have the only house on the street that is lit up in an eerie orange glow. I also poured an entire bag of fire ant killer on the front lawn. Since it's been so wet and dreary, I haven't spend much time in the yard so I didn't realize how many ant hills I had. The biggest ant hills is a good 2 feet in diameter. This is unacceptable. I want zero ant hills in my yard. I fucking hate fire ants.

Tater brought home a permission slip for tutoring. Why Mr. F didn't mention this during our phone conversation just a few hours before? Much to Taters displeasure, I signed the permission slip. He will now attend tutoring every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, and I will have to pick him up from school on these days. I already miss the lazy afternoons of waiting for the bus to bring Tater home. I'm so lazy.

Friday-Satan and I were sitting on the swing. She was talking about the wedding, again. It was the same ol' same ol', until her light bulb went off. Then she informed me, "I have a good idea. When my daddy come back from Iraq. He can marry you." heh

That's a swell idea, don't you think?

The ants, the ones that were suppose to die 24 hours after being poisoned. Were alive and kicking. This pissed me off. So I bitched to Granny. Per her recommendation, I generously soaked the ant hill and the fire ant granules. As I chanted. "die mother fuckers, die." I thought the chant would add some voodoo like qualities and would warrant a success. I was wrong.

I joined the MOB

The forums are acting wonky. Thanks to this, my house is clean and I am bored.

In an effort to relieve some of my boredom, I have joined the MOB. heh

finding god

I'm rethinking religion. I think I shall find God soon, so I can have Saint Clinton as my patron saint. heh

Windex and hydrogen molecules are expensive

Satan is my helper. She loves to help me clean, prepare food, fold laundry and take care of Fang. This can be a good thing. It can also be a huge PITA. She likes to Windex things like the window on the oven and the full length mirror in the bathroom. Yes, I like a clean clear screen when I'm watching some reality TV, but she has been under strict orders to keep the Windex away from the TV. She has complied until recently.

In an effort to please me with a streak free viewing screen, Satan broke the TV. It was death by orange scented Windex. There was dripping out of the control panel. I had to breath, and count. Then breath and count some more, a lot more. I had to repeat over and over, "she was just trying to help. She was just trying to help." I'm pretty sure that steam was coming out of my ears.

After blowing it dry with the blow dryer. I can now turn the TV on and off. I can not change the channel or the volume. I also can not use the remote control. How will I break the news to DH that his girlfriend is damaged? He will be devastated if she is not working when he gets home. GRRR! Luckily we have the cable box, and the TV is stuck on channel 3. Otherwise we would be watching, not a damn thing. I want the TV to work. I do not want to take the TV to the shop and pay to have it fixed because it is new. As is we just bought the damn thing this past Christmas.

But the fun and excitement doesn't end there. That's because last night right as I was about to start dinner, Tater informed me that he needed to make a molecule. A hydrogen molecule to be exact. Sounds like a fun project, right? I thought so too. Until he told me that they had a week to complete it, but he forgot to tell me last week. Thats right, his project was due today. He had a week to tell me, yet he chose to wait until the very last minute.

Since I'm crafting challenged, I don't normally keep a stock of crafting supplies. I did not have any molecule making materials on hand. I had to scrap the dinner plans to make a mad dash to Walmart for pipe cleaners, in the middle of a thunder storm and pouring rain. Did I mention that it was pouring rain? Tater is very lucky that I care about his grades, and that I don't melt. I was very tempted to make him take a zero.

I didn't feel quite so bad, when i noticed that there were at least 5 other parents in the craft section of Walmart looking for molecule making materials.

This should have been a quick and inexpensive trip in and out of Walmart. How did I ended up spending $75?

By the time we left Walmart it was going on 7 there was home work to do and hydrogen molecules to make. There was no way I wouldn't have time to help with homework, make dinner and get the kids in bed on time. Taco Bell drive thru was my time saving plan, that cost me another $10.

A simple school project that should have cost less than $5 put me $85 in the hole. How did I let that happen?

My new and improved blog.

I've given up on blog city, and made the move to blogger. Now evil one can leave loads of comments, and I can view my blogroll. It's all good. :)

This is the link to my old blog. I plan to switch everything over soon. But I'm lazy so don't hold your breath.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

I'm a cloud

Satan's has been so adorable and sweet lately.

Today, she wanted to wash her toy dishes. I figured it would keep her busy for a few minutes, so I agreed. She gently placed her plastic toy dishes in the sink, so they wouldn't break. She added just a squirt of dish soap. Then she filled the sink with the spray hose, which created massive bubbles. She was happily scrubbing away and most importantly not getting into anything. So I decided this would be a great time to give Fang a hair cut.

I was engrossed in buzzing Fang's head, and not paying much attention to the quiet in the kitchen. As I was about to put the clippers away, I see a flash of naked skin. Then I hear muffled giggles. I run to the kitchen thinking the worst. i was happily surprised to see Satan stripped down to her strawberry shortcake panties, covered in bubbles. She was gleefully dancing around the kitchen. I was wondering what in the hell is my child doing, and trying not to laugh. When she noticed me standing there, she looked up and matter of factly said, "I'm a cloud. I'm dancing like a cloud."

I'm going to miss her when she grows up. :(

the wedding video

I have recently found our wedding video. Satan, being as full of curiosity as she is, was dyeing to know what was on the tape. I patiently tried to explain that it was the movie of when DH and I were married. Which led to a huge discussion on what weddings are, and why people get married. I never realized how many questions an almost 4 year old would have regarding marriage and weddings.

Last evening she was feeling particularly sad about missing her daddy. Sadly she asked, "can I watch my daddy marry you?" Up until then it never occurred to me to show her the video. I was happy that she asked, so I let the kids stay up past their bed time to watch. Which had both good and bad results.

Tater was acting like any 10 year old boy would when subjected to something of the romantic nature. He cracked on everything. :( He made fun of my wedding dress. Told me I was ugly. He made fun of Blondie's big hair from hell. He laughed at the way Hoochie walked down the aisle. He laughed at the cake because it had beads on it. He went on and on about how dumb it is to put things that cannot be eaten on a cake. Which made sense until he added that he would have used those really cool candles that you can't blow out.

Since he is a 10 year old boy, he is fascinated with all things gross. He thought the red water in the decorative fountain looked like blood. Normally a fountain full of blood would be cool, but since it was sitting next to the cake? It was gross and disgusting. Duh, no one wants to eat cake that has been sitting next to a fountain full of blood.

Oh but he didn't stop there, he made fun of his Nana wearing black stockings and red shoes. I would have laughed at that, but by this point I was tired of his running commentary. I sent him to bed, and told him he wasn't allowed to talk until morning.

I'm not sure if this is just a stage he is going through? Or if he is acting up because he seeks male attention? Or did he really think he was being funny? He is a bit sarcastic, he gets it from me. But I'm afraid that he doesn't quite have the maturity to pull that off yet.

Fang showed little interest in the video. Although, at one point he did clap his hands and say, "good job!" heh

However, Satan loved it. She has never been so into a video before. She has watched it about 6 times now. She will point out all the people that she knows. Then we have to go through the list of those not on the video like her, Tater and Fang. The idea that none of them existed at that point in time is far beyond her understanding.

Today, after much pleading. We watched the video again. Since then Satan has showered me compliments. After the attitude Tater has had the past few weeks. Her unexpected sweetness really lifted my spirit. Here are a just a few of her gems,

"Mommy, you bootiful."

"You dwess is bootiful."

"I wike you pwetty hat."

So far my favorite is, "I wike you happy face when my daddy married you."

Advice from mom

My mother is a whack. Her advice should not under any circumstance be followed. Never. Ever. I repeat do not listen to any advice my mother may offer you. Ever.

Here is just a sample of the advice I was given over the course of our latest conversation. 18 months old is way too old to nurse. I should stop now. Otherwise when Fang is in Kindergarten, I will have to go to the school at lunch time so he can get a drink. A good mother would take the boobie out of his mouth and give him a sippy cup full of Sprite. It has no caffeine in it, so it won't hurt him. If I wasn't such a big pushover (I think she mistook me for my sis here), he would be weaned by now. Months ago, I should have told him that the boobie went bye bye. If that little conversation doesn't break him, I should rub Vicks slave on my nipples. It would probably be best if I tried vinegar first, but since he likes pickles he would probably think it was pickle milk. We really don't want him to enjoy it.

I should also have a will made leaving the kids to her and my dad. I would be stupid to leave the kids to my in-laws because Marie is crazy. Neither of DH's siblings would be a good choice either, because his brother live next to Marie, and his sis acts like Marie. Lucky me, she has thought it out and has the perfect solution. I should will them to my sis. That's right to Blondie, who is currently headed towards divorce.

Should I saddle her with 3 extra children? Well, of course I should.My martyr mother will be there to help. She would then be able to erase all the damage that I have inflicted upon them. Apparently, all those years of not beating them is starting to show. :(

Not only in my mother the greatest thing since Dr. Spock, she is also a metrologist. She explained to me in great detail why Florida is being wiped out by hurricanes. In case you weren't aware, it's because there is too much evil in the world. God has decided to take revenge. This is a sign of things to come.

I can't believe that at one point I thought this woman was sane. Either she is quickly loosing her mind, or I was unable to see what a whack she is until I moved away. Now I am able to look at the situation from a afar, and see that it's not pretty.

I feel bad for my sis. I blame a lot of her marriage situation on my mother over stepping her bounds. If my sis would move away, or quickly grow a backbone things would improve for her.

Or if my mom would go see a psychiatrists and soon. I really think the woman is loosing her grasp on reality.

It's about damn time.

I finally fixed my computer. Well more precisely I fixed IE. I have reinstalled IE. I have ran spyware programs and virus scan countless times. I have uninstalled and reinstalled countless programs. I have edited the registry. I did something to some .dll files, thanks to a really good tutorial on some geek site.

Finally, I reinstalled directX, and everything is working.

Now I can go on a major blogging spree. I can type with colorful fonts, add links and pretty pictures. But most importantly, I have use of iespell back. Woo Hoo!

Pow WOW!

I had a pretty good time this weekend. I took the kidlets to this http://www.fourwindstx.org/ powwow. They really enjoyed it. Satan and Fang had a great time dancing. I took my trusty camera, but dammit the battery was dead. So I have no pictures to post.

Want to know what the best part of the powwow was? The food. I had a fry bread taco, kettle corn and a lemonade slush. It was heavenly. ;) I actually wrote this a few days ago. I didn't publish it sooner because I was trying to fix my computer. I'm not sure that the link will work. I can't use the WYSIWYG editor. Damn you microsoft.

SP2 is bad.

I downloaded SP2, and I could no longer access the forums or my blog. GRRRRRRRRR I could view them but not post. The pages would not load. Since I think I'm some what computer literate, I thought I could fix the problem. Since XP had this great quick restore feature. I thought that fixing it would be simple. I was wrong. The quick restore didn't help.

Then I thought that if I uninstalled IE and reinstalled it, that may fix the problem. Oddly enough since I uninstalled IE, Mozilla now works like a dream. I'm blogging, and posting in forums. For now I plan to stay IE free.

Now I am patiently waiting for someone to write a spell check extension. The only thing that kept me attached to IE so long was IEspell.

Border patrol

I'm lazy and in a mood. My creative juices aren't flowing as they should. I think a boy friend could fix that for me. ;)

My mood came from being pissed at DH. He informed me that his sis could hook him up with a job in KY, at Toyota. Working a futurless, economy based assembly line job, that pays less than what he makes now. He claims he wasn't really considering it, but he was. I swear the heat really gets to him some days. I wanted to bitch slap him. Since I couldn't reach through the phone and beat him about the head and shoulders, I told him to get the divorce paper work started because I was not moving to KY. If he wants to live near the evil Marie I can't stop him, but he will be moving there alone.

Yesterday, I found out that DH had successfully removed his head from his ass. YAY! Now his plan is to take a border patrol job. He will go to SC for 5 months of paid training. Then he will be assigned to southern CA, TX, NM, or AZ. Isn't it cool that I know the 2 letter abbreviations to all 50 states. All because I worked in a mail room once. It's the little things like this that go right to my head. heh

Evil dancing and laughter.

Because I am a genius. Well, not really, but I did have a touch of brilliance today.

Satan has been feeling a bit under the weather, and is under the influence of Benedryl. Benedryl makes her very sleepy. Very sleepy makes her very cranky. Normally when she is very cranky, I in all my wisdom will tell her that its nap time. This is always followed up by blood curdling screams, and Satan talking a mile a minute. Trying her fastest to prove to me once again that she is not a baby. She is a big girl princess. She will also point out that the sun isn't sleeping, so neither is she. It's been this way for quite some time now. Apparently all I needed to do was to try a new approach. Duh!

So today, as I was about to open my mouth and speak the dreaded evil words. A light bulb went off.

In my sweetest mommy voice I suggested, "My big girl princess who is far too big for naps, why don't you go to your room, and read your princess book. That way Fang won't bother you."

"I'm a big girl princess. I not taking a nap."

Was there a crack in my last minute master plan? Luckily, no. She went to her room. Quietly. No crying. No blood curdling screams. She put her Pooh Bear pillow on the floor, and laid on her stomach to read her Cinderella book. I was informed, "Mommy this is how big girls read burks".

Fang followed me back to the kitchen to throw cantaloupe on the floor help clean up the lunch mess. After we cleaned up the lunch mess and the mushy cantaloupe, I crept down the hall to check on Satan. She was snoring.

Woo Hoo my plan had worked. I broke into my 'evil genius' dance. Which looks very similar to my 'happy' dance. Which often times looks identical to my 'white girl sit down because you can't dance' dance.

Happy dance

It started off with me waking up late, and Tater missing the bus. Which generally means the day will only go down hill from there. Never fear, we managed to somehow get Tater to school on time.

From there, we dropped off a van full of stuff at Goodwill. Went to the farmers market. I bought watermelon, cantaloupe, pluots and zucchini. You may be asking what the hell are pluots? Well, according to this they are a cross between an apricot and a plum. I've never had a pluot before, but the old farmer said, "they is deeelishus." heh

From there we went to the post office. FYI post office = hell. I stood in line for fucking ever with a large heavy box and two antsy children. All the while, I'm trying to not lose the customs slip. Which I did lose, and then had to fill out another one. Finally, it's my turn. I'm slowly heading toward the counter where the ever friendly postal worker eagerly awaits. I am giddy and over come with a feeling of glee because my time in hell is drawing to a close. Sadly, that feeling was short lived because I then tripped over my big heavy box. The big heavy box that I had put on the floor because my arms were breaking under the weight of Frito's and p0rn.

After my graceful floor routine, we headed to Walmart. I was in nice mommy mode and bought the starving kidlets breakfast at McDonald's. Yuck! Then bought some much needed groceries. On the way back home stopped at the bank, and the gas station.

I was so amazed at my ability to do things today, that I did a happy dance.

First post

This is my first post.

I'm in lust!

Wednesday at 10PM The Great Biker Build-Off with Billy Lane will be on. Be sure to set your DVR, so you can drool with me over Billy.

destructive much?

Tater is driving me crazy. The other day he tried to do pull ups on the towel rack in the bathroom. Towel racks are made to hold thing like wet towels not growing boys. Needless to say, the bathroom is now with out a towel rack. And there are 4 large holes that are going to require putty, sanding and paint. GRRRRRRRRRR!

Yesterday, we were in the van. I was driving along minding my own business. Singing along with the radio, when I heard a loud snap. I looked over at Tater, who was holding the sun visor in his lap. He gave me the 'what, I didn't do anything' look. Then he said matter of factly, "I thought it was suppose to come off."

This caused me to have bad 'I want to hurt my child' thoughts. Luckily, I was driving, and was able to count to 1,000 to cool off. He is now grounded for 2 weeks, and must sit in the back seat of the van until further notice.

Sappy email

I was reading another military wifes blog. Which I thought I blogrolled, but can't find now. She had an entry where she posted an email from her husband. It was so sweet and sappy. It almost brought tears to my eyes. He spoke of how he watches the sun come up and the warmth makes him think of her. How he missed her and can't wait to embrace her again.

At that point I was feeling rather sad. I decided to reread the last email DH sent me. Here is his version of sappy. LOL Have I mentioned yet that DH is trying to bring about an 80's slang revival?

hello dope wife,

so how the hell are you? im tired and hot. its frickin hot here.

i think im going to let my hair grow out. just the top. so i can flip it back and
look cool. i cant wait to get home to bang you. i will give it to you daily
just for you of course. i am so ready to go home and not even come back.
well i guess im done bitching. i will try to catch you on im.

i love you and miss you.

love,
your frickin hot husband

ps send p0rn.

Frances

Sadly, Frances is headed directly toward Florida. My heart goes out to those that are suffering great loses due to this fierce storm.

However, the evil in-laws were to be in Florida to board a Disney cruise to the Bahamas. Since the weather is anything but nice, they will be unable to go. Normally under these circumstance I would feel very bad that someone is losing a great deal of money. Instead I am feeling a bit of smug satisfaction, all the while thinking that this is karma's way of paying Marie back.

I've changed my name.

Crazy bitch is so over used. So now I'm snarky tattooed heathen. My nick name of choice on the forums. I'm debating on whether or not I should add, esteemed troublemaker.

WOO HOO!

And the good news is.....

1. DH has been given a date for leave. He gets to come home for 2 weeks. During that time, I will not be available for blogging, phone conversations or even a quick IM. At this point in time the date is "top secret". Not even the children know, for fear that Marie will find out. If that happens, I will be forced to open a can of whoop ass.

2. Kevin Smith loves me.

Now to answer the questions that are on everyones mind.

Yes, due to all this good news I am wearing a big goofy grin. :)

Yes, Tater and I are very excited. We will be seeing The Passion of the Clerks in the theater.

Dear comment troll.

You are fucked in the head!

Signed,

A peanut butter loving atheist

I'm so pretty!

The younger two were playing in their room. When an eary quiteness fell upon me. I immedietly sensed that something was wrong. So I crept down the hall, and what did I see. Fang in a dress and pretty pink shoes. LOL

Here he is modeling his new look atop the toy box.