Advice from mom

My mother is a whack. Her advice should not under any circumstance be followed. Never. Ever. I repeat do not listen to any advice my mother may offer you. Ever.

Here is just a sample of the advice I was given over the course of our latest conversation. 18 months old is way too old to nurse. I should stop now. Otherwise when Fang is in Kindergarten, I will have to go to the school at lunch time so he can get a drink. A good mother would take the boobie out of his mouth and give him a sippy cup full of Sprite. It has no caffeine in it, so it won't hurt him. If I wasn't such a big pushover (I think she mistook me for my sis here), he would be weaned by now. Months ago, I should have told him that the boobie went bye bye. If that little conversation doesn't break him, I should rub Vicks slave on my nipples. It would probably be best if I tried vinegar first, but since he likes pickles he would probably think it was pickle milk. We really don't want him to enjoy it.

I should also have a will made leaving the kids to her and my dad. I would be stupid to leave the kids to my in-laws because Marie is crazy. Neither of DH's siblings would be a good choice either, because his brother live next to Marie, and his sis acts like Marie. Lucky me, she has thought it out and has the perfect solution. I should will them to my sis. That's right to Blondie, who is currently headed towards divorce.

Should I saddle her with 3 extra children? Well, of course I should.My martyr mother will be there to help. She would then be able to erase all the damage that I have inflicted upon them. Apparently, all those years of not beating them is starting to show. :(

Not only in my mother the greatest thing since Dr. Spock, she is also a metrologist. She explained to me in great detail why Florida is being wiped out by hurricanes. In case you weren't aware, it's because there is too much evil in the world. God has decided to take revenge. This is a sign of things to come.

I can't believe that at one point I thought this woman was sane. Either she is quickly loosing her mind, or I was unable to see what a whack she is until I moved away. Now I am able to look at the situation from a afar, and see that it's not pretty.

I feel bad for my sis. I blame a lot of her marriage situation on my mother over stepping her bounds. If my sis would move away, or quickly grow a backbone things would improve for her.

Or if my mom would go see a psychiatrists and soon. I really think the woman is loosing her grasp on reality.