I'm a cloud

Satan's has been so adorable and sweet lately.

Today, she wanted to wash her toy dishes. I figured it would keep her busy for a few minutes, so I agreed. She gently placed her plastic toy dishes in the sink, so they wouldn't break. She added just a squirt of dish soap. Then she filled the sink with the spray hose, which created massive bubbles. She was happily scrubbing away and most importantly not getting into anything. So I decided this would be a great time to give Fang a hair cut.

I was engrossed in buzzing Fang's head, and not paying much attention to the quiet in the kitchen. As I was about to put the clippers away, I see a flash of naked skin. Then I hear muffled giggles. I run to the kitchen thinking the worst. i was happily surprised to see Satan stripped down to her strawberry shortcake panties, covered in bubbles. She was gleefully dancing around the kitchen. I was wondering what in the hell is my child doing, and trying not to laugh. When she noticed me standing there, she looked up and matter of factly said, "I'm a cloud. I'm dancing like a cloud."

I'm going to miss her when she grows up. :(

the wedding video

I have recently found our wedding video. Satan, being as full of curiosity as she is, was dyeing to know what was on the tape. I patiently tried to explain that it was the movie of when DH and I were married. Which led to a huge discussion on what weddings are, and why people get married. I never realized how many questions an almost 4 year old would have regarding marriage and weddings.

Last evening she was feeling particularly sad about missing her daddy. Sadly she asked, "can I watch my daddy marry you?" Up until then it never occurred to me to show her the video. I was happy that she asked, so I let the kids stay up past their bed time to watch. Which had both good and bad results.

Tater was acting like any 10 year old boy would when subjected to something of the romantic nature. He cracked on everything. :( He made fun of my wedding dress. Told me I was ugly. He made fun of Blondie's big hair from hell. He laughed at the way Hoochie walked down the aisle. He laughed at the cake because it had beads on it. He went on and on about how dumb it is to put things that cannot be eaten on a cake. Which made sense until he added that he would have used those really cool candles that you can't blow out.

Since he is a 10 year old boy, he is fascinated with all things gross. He thought the red water in the decorative fountain looked like blood. Normally a fountain full of blood would be cool, but since it was sitting next to the cake? It was gross and disgusting. Duh, no one wants to eat cake that has been sitting next to a fountain full of blood.

Oh but he didn't stop there, he made fun of his Nana wearing black stockings and red shoes. I would have laughed at that, but by this point I was tired of his running commentary. I sent him to bed, and told him he wasn't allowed to talk until morning.

I'm not sure if this is just a stage he is going through? Or if he is acting up because he seeks male attention? Or did he really think he was being funny? He is a bit sarcastic, he gets it from me. But I'm afraid that he doesn't quite have the maturity to pull that off yet.

Fang showed little interest in the video. Although, at one point he did clap his hands and say, "good job!" heh

However, Satan loved it. She has never been so into a video before. She has watched it about 6 times now. She will point out all the people that she knows. Then we have to go through the list of those not on the video like her, Tater and Fang. The idea that none of them existed at that point in time is far beyond her understanding.

Today, after much pleading. We watched the video again. Since then Satan has showered me compliments. After the attitude Tater has had the past few weeks. Her unexpected sweetness really lifted my spirit. Here are a just a few of her gems,

"Mommy, you bootiful."

"You dwess is bootiful."

"I wike you pwetty hat."

So far my favorite is, "I wike you happy face when my daddy married you."

Advice from mom

My mother is a whack. Her advice should not under any circumstance be followed. Never. Ever. I repeat do not listen to any advice my mother may offer you. Ever.

Here is just a sample of the advice I was given over the course of our latest conversation. 18 months old is way too old to nurse. I should stop now. Otherwise when Fang is in Kindergarten, I will have to go to the school at lunch time so he can get a drink. A good mother would take the boobie out of his mouth and give him a sippy cup full of Sprite. It has no caffeine in it, so it won't hurt him. If I wasn't such a big pushover (I think she mistook me for my sis here), he would be weaned by now. Months ago, I should have told him that the boobie went bye bye. If that little conversation doesn't break him, I should rub Vicks slave on my nipples. It would probably be best if I tried vinegar first, but since he likes pickles he would probably think it was pickle milk. We really don't want him to enjoy it.

I should also have a will made leaving the kids to her and my dad. I would be stupid to leave the kids to my in-laws because Marie is crazy. Neither of DH's siblings would be a good choice either, because his brother live next to Marie, and his sis acts like Marie. Lucky me, she has thought it out and has the perfect solution. I should will them to my sis. That's right to Blondie, who is currently headed towards divorce.

Should I saddle her with 3 extra children? Well, of course I should.My martyr mother will be there to help. She would then be able to erase all the damage that I have inflicted upon them. Apparently, all those years of not beating them is starting to show. :(

Not only in my mother the greatest thing since Dr. Spock, she is also a metrologist. She explained to me in great detail why Florida is being wiped out by hurricanes. In case you weren't aware, it's because there is too much evil in the world. God has decided to take revenge. This is a sign of things to come.

I can't believe that at one point I thought this woman was sane. Either she is quickly loosing her mind, or I was unable to see what a whack she is until I moved away. Now I am able to look at the situation from a afar, and see that it's not pretty.

I feel bad for my sis. I blame a lot of her marriage situation on my mother over stepping her bounds. If my sis would move away, or quickly grow a backbone things would improve for her.

Or if my mom would go see a psychiatrists and soon. I really think the woman is loosing her grasp on reality.

It's about damn time.

I finally fixed my computer. Well more precisely I fixed IE. I have reinstalled IE. I have ran spyware programs and virus scan countless times. I have uninstalled and reinstalled countless programs. I have edited the registry. I did something to some .dll files, thanks to a really good tutorial on some geek site.

Finally, I reinstalled directX, and everything is working.

Now I can go on a major blogging spree. I can type with colorful fonts, add links and pretty pictures. But most importantly, I have use of iespell back. Woo Hoo!

Pow WOW!

I had a pretty good time this weekend. I took the kidlets to this http://www.fourwindstx.org/ powwow. They really enjoyed it. Satan and Fang had a great time dancing. I took my trusty camera, but dammit the battery was dead. So I have no pictures to post.

Want to know what the best part of the powwow was? The food. I had a fry bread taco, kettle corn and a lemonade slush. It was heavenly. ;) I actually wrote this a few days ago. I didn't publish it sooner because I was trying to fix my computer. I'm not sure that the link will work. I can't use the WYSIWYG editor. Damn you microsoft.

SP2 is bad.

I downloaded SP2, and I could no longer access the forums or my blog. GRRRRRRRRR I could view them but not post. The pages would not load. Since I think I'm some what computer literate, I thought I could fix the problem. Since XP had this great quick restore feature. I thought that fixing it would be simple. I was wrong. The quick restore didn't help.

Then I thought that if I uninstalled IE and reinstalled it, that may fix the problem. Oddly enough since I uninstalled IE, Mozilla now works like a dream. I'm blogging, and posting in forums. For now I plan to stay IE free.

Now I am patiently waiting for someone to write a spell check extension. The only thing that kept me attached to IE so long was IEspell.

Border patrol

I'm lazy and in a mood. My creative juices aren't flowing as they should. I think a boy friend could fix that for me. ;)

My mood came from being pissed at DH. He informed me that his sis could hook him up with a job in KY, at Toyota. Working a futurless, economy based assembly line job, that pays less than what he makes now. He claims he wasn't really considering it, but he was. I swear the heat really gets to him some days. I wanted to bitch slap him. Since I couldn't reach through the phone and beat him about the head and shoulders, I told him to get the divorce paper work started because I was not moving to KY. If he wants to live near the evil Marie I can't stop him, but he will be moving there alone.

Yesterday, I found out that DH had successfully removed his head from his ass. YAY! Now his plan is to take a border patrol job. He will go to SC for 5 months of paid training. Then he will be assigned to southern CA, TX, NM, or AZ. Isn't it cool that I know the 2 letter abbreviations to all 50 states. All because I worked in a mail room once. It's the little things like this that go right to my head. heh

Evil dancing and laughter.

Because I am a genius. Well, not really, but I did have a touch of brilliance today.

Satan has been feeling a bit under the weather, and is under the influence of Benedryl. Benedryl makes her very sleepy. Very sleepy makes her very cranky. Normally when she is very cranky, I in all my wisdom will tell her that its nap time. This is always followed up by blood curdling screams, and Satan talking a mile a minute. Trying her fastest to prove to me once again that she is not a baby. She is a big girl princess. She will also point out that the sun isn't sleeping, so neither is she. It's been this way for quite some time now. Apparently all I needed to do was to try a new approach. Duh!

So today, as I was about to open my mouth and speak the dreaded evil words. A light bulb went off.

In my sweetest mommy voice I suggested, "My big girl princess who is far too big for naps, why don't you go to your room, and read your princess book. That way Fang won't bother you."

"I'm a big girl princess. I not taking a nap."

Was there a crack in my last minute master plan? Luckily, no. She went to her room. Quietly. No crying. No blood curdling screams. She put her Pooh Bear pillow on the floor, and laid on her stomach to read her Cinderella book. I was informed, "Mommy this is how big girls read burks".

Fang followed me back to the kitchen to throw cantaloupe on the floor help clean up the lunch mess. After we cleaned up the lunch mess and the mushy cantaloupe, I crept down the hall to check on Satan. She was snoring.

Woo Hoo my plan had worked. I broke into my 'evil genius' dance. Which looks very similar to my 'happy' dance. Which often times looks identical to my 'white girl sit down because you can't dance' dance.

Happy dance

It started off with me waking up late, and Tater missing the bus. Which generally means the day will only go down hill from there. Never fear, we managed to somehow get Tater to school on time.

From there, we dropped off a van full of stuff at Goodwill. Went to the farmers market. I bought watermelon, cantaloupe, pluots and zucchini. You may be asking what the hell are pluots? Well, according to this they are a cross between an apricot and a plum. I've never had a pluot before, but the old farmer said, "they is deeelishus." heh

From there we went to the post office. FYI post office = hell. I stood in line for fucking ever with a large heavy box and two antsy children. All the while, I'm trying to not lose the customs slip. Which I did lose, and then had to fill out another one. Finally, it's my turn. I'm slowly heading toward the counter where the ever friendly postal worker eagerly awaits. I am giddy and over come with a feeling of glee because my time in hell is drawing to a close. Sadly, that feeling was short lived because I then tripped over my big heavy box. The big heavy box that I had put on the floor because my arms were breaking under the weight of Frito's and p0rn.

After my graceful floor routine, we headed to Walmart. I was in nice mommy mode and bought the starving kidlets breakfast at McDonald's. Yuck! Then bought some much needed groceries. On the way back home stopped at the bank, and the gas station.

I was so amazed at my ability to do things today, that I did a happy dance.

First post

This is my first post.

I'm in lust!

Wednesday at 10PM The Great Biker Build-Off with Billy Lane will be on. Be sure to set your DVR, so you can drool with me over Billy.

destructive much?

Tater is driving me crazy. The other day he tried to do pull ups on the towel rack in the bathroom. Towel racks are made to hold thing like wet towels not growing boys. Needless to say, the bathroom is now with out a towel rack. And there are 4 large holes that are going to require putty, sanding and paint. GRRRRRRRRRR!

Yesterday, we were in the van. I was driving along minding my own business. Singing along with the radio, when I heard a loud snap. I looked over at Tater, who was holding the sun visor in his lap. He gave me the 'what, I didn't do anything' look. Then he said matter of factly, "I thought it was suppose to come off."

This caused me to have bad 'I want to hurt my child' thoughts. Luckily, I was driving, and was able to count to 1,000 to cool off. He is now grounded for 2 weeks, and must sit in the back seat of the van until further notice.

Sappy email

I was reading another military wifes blog. Which I thought I blogrolled, but can't find now. She had an entry where she posted an email from her husband. It was so sweet and sappy. It almost brought tears to my eyes. He spoke of how he watches the sun come up and the warmth makes him think of her. How he missed her and can't wait to embrace her again.

At that point I was feeling rather sad. I decided to reread the last email DH sent me. Here is his version of sappy. LOL Have I mentioned yet that DH is trying to bring about an 80's slang revival?

hello dope wife,

so how the hell are you? im tired and hot. its frickin hot here.

i think im going to let my hair grow out. just the top. so i can flip it back and
look cool. i cant wait to get home to bang you. i will give it to you daily
just for you of course. i am so ready to go home and not even come back.
well i guess im done bitching. i will try to catch you on im.

i love you and miss you.

love,
your frickin hot husband

ps send p0rn.

Frances

Sadly, Frances is headed directly toward Florida. My heart goes out to those that are suffering great loses due to this fierce storm.

However, the evil in-laws were to be in Florida to board a Disney cruise to the Bahamas. Since the weather is anything but nice, they will be unable to go. Normally under these circumstance I would feel very bad that someone is losing a great deal of money. Instead I am feeling a bit of smug satisfaction, all the while thinking that this is karma's way of paying Marie back.

I've changed my name.

Crazy bitch is so over used. So now I'm snarky tattooed heathen. My nick name of choice on the forums. I'm debating on whether or not I should add, esteemed troublemaker.